tuesday tears

When all the fun is suddenly not so fun anymore.

I'm presently pulled over in a parking lot because the streaming tears are blurring my vision to the extent of unsafe driving. Farewells and sayonaras have slowly been rolling pass, but now the bigger and harder ones are starting to crash through like a wrecking ball.

A well-used tool from childhood, detachment is now buried somewhere beneath the hopes & desires to remain alive, the vulnerable welcoming of relationships, and several layers of less-penetrable emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

Instead, I rock here with cavernous aches and a keen awareness of all the "hard" that seems to surround me on every side.

Snotty-faced and puffy-eyed, I retell myself, "I can do hard things" - knowing somewhere beneath those mere present words, there is hope.