lessons through children

The tenderness and delicate inner parts of a feminine heart amaze me.

Truth be told they used to bother me. It was a part I used to punish or attempt to deny. Thankfully over the years the Lord reveals more and more to me of the beauty within the feminine heart and the ways it bears HIS image and shares parts of HIM with those around us.

People say you learn a lot from your children - I'm learning how true this is. (Okay, so I'm not actually a mother yet, but nannying the same children for three years for MANY hours a day certainly offers you a sense of motherhood). They are not just teaching me about parenting, but about life, about myself, and more about the Lord. Some of the more recent things have been more shocking than anything else. I'm watching and hearing bold-faced lies come out of my four year old. There was some debate within about whether or not she knew what she was doing, but the quickness to hide (what she was doing, had just done, or didn't do) was a sure give away. Shame. Shame leads to hiding and defending. Wow, four years old, really? I had no idea lying starts that early. The lie was delivered, I'm watching her attempt to hide, and the shame is overcoming her. I saw the garden of eden. Disobedience was the path chosen in that moment and she tried to hide.

I know none are exempt from the effects of the fall that happened in that garden, but I also know that Jesus offers a life of redemption and a better way. Sin will continue, and shame will attempt to hold us bound, weigh us down, and condemn us, but we don't have to hide or allow the shame to rule us. My prayer is that I can offer and show the love and freedom that is offered to us through Christ. Lord, help me to be a window to You and Your heart. "I love you. Your choice wasn't a wise one, and sometimes there are consequences for our unwise choices, but you can always come to me, I still love you the same, and will embrace you even in your mistakes. You don't have to hide." May she hear and know You through my choices and how I handle the situations.

I found a handful of mistakes while reading over Lily's homework today. As I sat down to review it with her I saw an all-too-familiar look begin to come over her face. The frumpy nose and mouth, the muttering words, delays in replying, and the tears that I knew were only being held back by a very thin invisible sheet. The sheet broke with the request for her to go get her dictionary. The meltdown began. I don't think any of us really handle lack of sleep well, but my little Lil gets super emotional - especially when she is requested to do something she doesn't want to: her homework, picking up her toys, etc. and it usually leads to a rather dramatic meltdown. What I didn't yet know was that there was much more going on than just a lack of sleep...

I didn't want to encourage the meltdown in anyway, (which would've led to not completing her homework before needing to leave for ballet) but I did try to encourage her.

"Come on Lil, it's okay. You're getting the hang of it and I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. It's just that I had a bad day." (tears in full flow now)

"You had a bad day? What happened?"

"Some boys were making fun of where I came from." (she was adopted from China)

What followed was my little Lil pouring her heart out about some things she had heard (hear-say) that wounded her little heart. After sharing about how the boys made fun of her and how the whole scene unfolded, she spilled right over into how she "had a big fight with a friend" (but later "made up"). The little feminine heart in her just needed to share and release, feel like it was being heard and cared for/about. Detail after detail. As soon as she shared, her face was lighter, her energy level increased, and her focus for her homework was near 100%. There again, I had no idea things like that started that early, but she does carry a precious, delicate feminine heart in her that bears the image of her Maker just as I do.

Even now as I sit here replaying that scene with Lily today I can't help but smile. I'm rather familiar with that scene and was recently reflecting on it with a friend. A feminine heart, in all it's beauty, is meant to be vulnerable and inviting. Part of it's inviting and vulnerability is expressed in needing to share and release. It's needing to feel heard and cared for. This was another beautiful reminder to embrace the beauty of my feminine design (with all the delicate tenders parts), and to remember to run to the Lover of my soul to let out the weight and tension building within. I was never meant to carry it all anyway. I hear Him whisper as I look at and listen to Lily, "Come to me like a child."

I'm so thankful for my girls and all I learn from and through them.