It had been quite a long time since I had felt, and known, the nearness of evil's true presence around me such as I did the other night. It was thick.
Ok, ready to journey with me back in time... anyone remember Carman's "Witch's Invitation"? That's the best way I can illustrate my night to you. After a mere two hours of sleep I woke as if the loudest alarm clock was released within my being.
I. Was. Wide. Awake.
Despite my incredibly long day and the exhaustion I had been experiencing, there I lay more awake than I remembered being in any previous waking morning for some time.
The accusations began. The twisting and gnarling of words through another's interactions with me earlier in the day were so strategically placed to cause great question and doubt.
With eagerness he pointed to each article with pride
He said,
"I healed this woman through a Babylonian chant
See this man? I cured him
While performing druid worship
I was paid to curse this man with AIDS, by his aunt"
On and on, page after page,
Delightfully he flaunted each incident for an hour
Without a breath
He said, "do you realize through my understanding of the dark regions that I can make you rich?
Or even curse someone to death?"
I sat literally intimidated
by the immensity in demon power,
while his face shown with a Satanic arrogant bliss.
Then placing his hands on the arms of my chair
He said, "what can your God do to compare with this?"
My night was not with a witch, but with evil himself. Four hours I laid there. Four hours in darkness. Four hours to cover A LOT of ground [Any idea how much ground can be covered in four hours in the middle of the night when you are more awake than you felt all day?! Wow.]
Four hours he paced and smoothly moved through the room, not with immense intensity, but with the craftiness and gentleness known to have the potential to lure my heart. Please understand - I in no way whatsoever am intending to give any type of props to the enemy of our souls, or built him up at all, but I am more keenly aware than ever before the smoothness in which he operates. I didn't think Adam and Eve were foolish or cognitively incompetent by any measure; I suppose I just had not really spent a whole lot of time contemplating the beauty, wisdom, and seduction with which satan lured that day in the garden... the same beauty, wisdom, seduction, and smoothness in which he operates still.
Had he come at me with intensity in attempts to intimidate, he would've failed. In the midst of my present state of vulnerability which accompanies deep breaking and healing of inner heart chambers, he knew the perfect tools to get straight into those deep places. he knew just the right voices in my life that would penetrate to the core of my being. he knew the areas and subjects to dance around and manipulate in attempts to cause doubt, question, fear, confusion, and distraction from the beautiful, powerful work the Lord is doing and has done.
It's as if you're sitting there
In that stunned moment while your faith gets violated
And all you feel is weak, powerless and lame
I desperately and deeply prayed
Saying, "Jesus give me wisdom
I don't wanna put you through some foolish test."
Then a shaft of light shot through my soul
Lighting my eyes with fire
God stood me up, and I threw the book back in his chest
I'll not compare God's miracles versus Satan's
The issue's not God's kingdom in Satan's lair,
The real comparison is the condition of your soul
And the condition of mine
Hurl after hurl. Sin after sin brought before me in such ways to question value, identity, and worth. Question HIS goodness, HIS mercy and grace. Question HIS redeeming work done on my behalf, the current journey of healing HE has me on, and the Truth HE declared because of who HE is. Clouds of confusion were entering the atmosphere of the room. In areas of recent brokenness and conviction, sensitivity was heightened as his blankets of condemnation brought questions and doubt like rough grains rubbing over tender scars.
Sins both committed to me and sins I have committed. One after another they came. Contempt. Abuse. Forgiveness. Control. Healing. Trust. Surrender. My faith was being violated.
Alas, wisdom was granted and light shone down each and every vein satan walked me down. Some of these veins were repeats of past assaults where he had tasted of temporary success, but by God's goodness, faithfulness, and promises, HE brought me to a place where I was able to stare satan in the face and declare him defeated. he may have tasted of temporal success, but the ultimate victory is the Lord's. Praise be to God! Praise be to HIM who does not leave us where we are, but in HIS infinite love breaks us to heal us that we may live in greater intimacy with HIM, know HIM for who HE is, better honor HIS image in which we were made, and glorify HIM for all HE is.
I said, "Isaac, when you tossed that book in my lap,
You glowed with a sinister victory
You rejoiced when you saw your name in black & white
Now I rejoice,
But not that your counsel of demons
Are subject to Jesus,
But that my name is written
In the lamb's book of life!"
I embrace my tender scars and thank the Lord for HIS Truth, goodness, faithfulness, and conviction which tenderly cut me open and daily offers me healing balm through the company of the Holy Spirit.
It was amazing. Not that I would specifically request a night totaling three and a half hours of sleep, or for four hours to be spent in the thick of evil's presence, but the insight, discernment, and wisdom granted to me have forever changed me. Staring satan in the face knowing I had no need to question the ground I was standing on in some very specific areas of life, and with the strength to not be thrust backward yet again, is an experience I am thankful for. The light shown down these veins brought exposure to things that grant greater perspective, wisdom, and Truth with which to hold as I continue as a sojourner on this pilgrimage.
My night with the enemy, and with my powerful, redeeming LORD, ended with peace. Victory belongs to God. I napped from 5am-6am and then continued about my day as a temporary, full-time, single mom... and as a woman victorious and with a renewed energy that could only come from HIM.
No comments:
Post a Comment