Ok, ready for this... I live in a map! I love learning and consider myself to be a student of life. As a pupil, there are times I'm fascinated by things I discover about myself [and there is something strangely weird about it when it does happen. Kind of like, wow, I've lived with myself for 29 years and I never knew that about me? Weird.] And then there are, of course, the things I'm glad to have revealed, but would prefer they had not ever been a part of my being. This seems to occur more often as I get older. More in-tune with myself and the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit? More mature thus obtaining a greater willingness to embrace what I see? God's loving hands continually peeling the onion layers of Janelle... the deeper into a onion you peel, the thinner the layers get?
I just found myself in an onion patch and I started in a map! Back to the map. I am such a visual person. Not just a visual learner, but visual person altogether. When referring to a conversation I've had with my roommate, I
Janelle, where are you going with this map business? No where, silly! I only shared the bit about "I live in a map!" so you'd have more insight to my randomness and unique quirks. You're welcome. Well, that, and to give one example of how much of a visual person I am.
Literal. I am a rather literal communicator. I paused before writing that last sentence and attempted to evaluate if I'm just as literal in my writing as I am with my speaking. I don't have an answer yet, but my assumption would be, yes. In the art of writing, I try to take simple black letters on a white screen and give them life: sound inflections, fragrances, colors, expression, and feeling just as if I were speaking to you.
This is where the "J" from the Myers-Briggs in me comes into play. Organized, precise. Well, that, and I have worked hard in learning to say what I mean and mean what I say. Hmm, isn't there something about that in the Bible?! The education I was first exposed to in the context of communication was, in my opinion, the epitome of unhealthy. Yelling and the silent treatment. Manipulation and deception. Guilt trips and blaming. Abusive on many levels. It was awful. Thankfully the Lord didn't let me get too far into my young-adulthood before revealing the true colors of such behaviors and offering me a better way; a way to true life.
I used to apologize for, or try to change, my speaking literally, but I am learning to embrace and accept it as a part of my hard-wiring. I believe it helps me be a better and more effective communicator - I can [potentially] bring someone along with me more successfully than if they were left with gaps to try to fill in on their own due to vague communication. I like to believe my communication honors God and those I'm in community with by living more authentically. If I'm meaning what I'm saying and I'm saying what I'm meaning, then there's not much room for a facade; I'm deeply thankful for that. We are called to authenticity and humility, for these create a breeding ground for trust, intimacy, and an invitation for others to receive grace, acceptance, and love.
I SO super want to belt out in song right now but I don't know that the other 131 passengers on this aircraft would appreciate my vocals! "How Great Is Our God," one of my all-time favorite songs and is playing on my itunes. It's so hard to keep my lips together!
My heart is the nations, my wiring is the Church. In evaluating philosophies of ministry: Some are more evangelistic in nature, desiring to appeal to the un-churched. Others are more designed and aimed to equip the saints. Though both equally biblical and needed, my wiring is for equipping and building into the saints, the Church.
Here again is something I've wrestled with. Over and over in various situations and ministry contexts I'd find myself coming alongside those I was serving with. In outreach settings I could be found comforting someone on the team who was under some type of distress. On missions trips I was often found in the kitchen preparing food for the team or in the prayer tent with a team member feeling attacked or inadequate. I questioned, "Is there some type of fear within me? Is there an area of unwillingness? Do I not care about expanding the Kingdom?" Alas, I embrace and accept the answer to each of those questions is, "No," He has created me a natural teacher and given me a heart to come alongside my brothers and sisters in the Church.
My heart is for the nations. Experiencing, interacting with, and learning about other countries and cultures; hearing worship sung and played in another tongue as it dances it's way into my heart; reading in scripture of a time when every nation, tribe, and tongue will worship Him... all of it causes my heart to beat a wild beat in a way nothing else does.
How do the two marry? The answer to that is one I have not yet been given. For the past seven years I've been able to conjure up all kinds of ideas, dreams, and ways these two come together and are used in worship and service to my King, none of which have come to full fruition yet. It can be such a challenge and wrestle to wait. I can't say that waiting is one of my favorite pastimes, but I am growing to have a much fonder respect and appreciation for the seasons of waiting I'm given. They truly are a gift. I recognize He has me in a beautiful holding pattern now; a precious season of waiting. I wouldn't want it any other way. So much is being revealed. Things within me are being more concretely embraced and celebrated as He shows me how they are ways I bear His image.
Today. Today is what I have. Today is the gift I'm given. Today I embrace waiting as I rest, am broken, peeled, burned in the refining fire, and am healed. Today I worship with the songs He places in my heart and marvel at the beauty and majesty of the snow-capped Sierra-Nevada Mountains as I soar over them.
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