'dear God'...

... those two words broke the wall. The wall holding in my tears. The wall holding back the heart ache. The wall in my mind attempting to keep me from jumping on a soapbox of the lack of depth, lack of males rising up to be men of God, lack of people engaging their minds when they pray.

I miss 'home'.  I am home.

My heart hungers for community with depth. I've been so blessed to live in communities with people who walk the journey to true intimacy with God. Now, finding myself in the Bible belt, my heart longs for California. Come on, not that I believe it's only found in CA, but that is the location I last experienced it on a continual basis. [Well, apart from having seven people from the Jesus Kitchen staying in our home for one week, five months ago.]

The Lord has put some amazing women in my life whom I've had the privilege to study the word, as well as books and material with Godly depth, which I am incredibly thankful; I guess I'm finding my heart hungry for people to connect with on these levels whom I do life with on a more regular basis.

Intentionally feeding myself, podcasts have filled the sound waves today. My heart was already feeling heavy, my spirit lonely to connect with others who 'get it', and then the next podcast begins to play. The subject is praying deeper, and the speaker mentions the "dear God" prayers and the lack of intimacy indicative within them. I broke.

Listening still, the passion and truth spoken from this man's mouth causes me to want to jump in a car destined for the airport right now -- call him on the way there, and meet with him over coffee/tea simply to converse over truth with a heart who has truly encountered the Lord, who is not okay with churchy responses, lame answers, or people who throw out bumper stickers to people who are hurting.

I miss being around people who hunger for more; who aren't afraid to wrestle with God. I miss being a part of Intimacy with God retreats; watching veils be lifted and lives change.

Please don't hear me say I don't have access to people who possess deep roots and great passion with the Lord, for I know they exist around me; still, my heart yearns.